let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

I'm a little stressed today.  Since I didn't expect to qualify for Nationals, I kinda thought I'd be vegging out about this time.  But today I realized, "Hey, I have to do work.  Darn it."  And Mom's pushing me to finish school.  And I have to send out graduation invitations.

I think my computer hates me.  And that makes me sad.

I kind of want to enjoy this time, since its my last year and I'm graduating and all.  But it's hard to just sit and enjoy life sometimes.  I want to get away...

Come with?

Well, the past few days have been rather exciting. 

I really didn't expect much from the Region IV Invitational.  Considering I was really busy with college applications and music auditions for the majority of the year, I hadn't been an incredibly stellar debater.  This being my senior year, I pretty much expected this tournament to be the end of the road for me.  I would leave this tournament and move on with my life.  So my goal for Regionals was this: to have no regrets.  Winning or losing didn't really matter; I wanted to leave every round I competed in with the knowledge that I had done my best. 

So there I was on Friday night, sitting at a crayon-decorated table before breaks were announced, thinking "This could be it.  If I don't break, my NCFCA debate part of my life is gone for good."  And I fully expected that.

But I broke.  I was thanking God that I got the chance to debate one more round.  I ended up debating Nicholas Bruno, which was one of my favorite rounds of the entire tournament.  Because not only was his affirmative case an LD case (of course), and I love LD with all my heart, but it was also a case dealing with oil policy and free trade, two things that I had debated during policy year.  Essentially, 6 years of debating experience culminated in that one debate round.  It was fabulous and I enjoyed every minute of it.  And after the round, even though I was quite happy with how I had done, I thought that if I didn't break, it would be an incredibly poetic way to end. 

But the end still did not come.  I broke to quarters, debated an extremely difficult round against Shaun Connell, again being so grateful that I could debate just one more time.  I really really did not expect to advance at this point, but somehow I did.  I debated Brian Morgan in another extremely difficult round in the semifinals.

At this point, I was absolutely dumfounded with what was happening.  I came to this tournament hardly expecting to break, and the idea of actually debating in finals was beyond my comprehension.  But there was Mr. Larimer, announcing my name along with Andrew Roblyer's as a finalist. 

I went into that round more peaceful than in any other debate round in my entire life.  Not because I expected to win (I didn't), but because being there, sitting on that stage, in front of those judges, at that moment, and knowing that I would have 6 more rounds to debate in June, was more than I had ever dreamed at the beginning of this year.  And I had no regrets. 

The round itself was amazing.  Andrew is such an outstanding and intelligent debater, and his arguments really threw me through a loop.  But it was such a round of substance; it was devoid of nit-picky arguments and was a real debate of philosophical issues.  I must say, it was my favorite round of the tournament and one of my favorite rounds ever.  It was so close. 

And so, 3 out of 5 judges allowed me to hold the first place trophy that is on my shelf right now.  And I still can't believe it.

I think the one thing I've taken away from this tournament is that God really does have a reason for everything.  The first few years of debate were so successful for me, at a time when qualifying for Nationals was relatively easy.  But my third year was rough, after barely making it to the Regional Tournament and doing poorly there.  My first year (this last year) of LD was almost worse, as I did well in the beginning and expected so much of myself, only to end up one place away from qualifying for Nationals.  I think God has spent these past couple of years showing me that winning doesn't matter.  What really matters is the relationships that are built and the people that have loved and supported me regardless of how well I have done.  In fact, the best moment of the whole tournament wasn't even winning.  It was right when I came up before the final round for the coin toss and Mr. Larimer looked at me, smiled, and said "This is so much better than last year, isn't it?"

So I left this weekend really believing that God's future for me is perfect.  His dreams for me are infinitely more amazing than the dreams I make for myself.  And I don't think I'll ever forget that.

I <3 Houston

Here are some highlights from the Houston Open:

Getting to use the third floor!  I should be totally buff now from running up those stairs...with a debate box...in heels.  Yeah baby.

Seeing old buddies from MASTERS and other sundry locations.  Hooray for National Opens.

Spontaneously writing songs with Tyler, (the other) Audrey, and Erin.  Heh.  Like "The Kansas Song" ("Whyyyy so much corn? Whyyyy so many cowwws?)

Sneaking out of the tournament to go shoe shopping.  And to try on random caps in an army surplus store.  I have pictures.

Breaking in debate and making it all the way to 6th place.  That was swell.

Watching breaks, in which Erin did not expect to break at all.  Yeah, she broke.  To octas, no less.

Watching Erin promptly faint after hearing said breaks. 

Long road trips, where we watched movies, filled up on sugary goodies, and overall had a jolly time.

So, over the past month or so, I have:

Been officially accepted to Baylor, with scholarships

Decided not to go to Baylor, because it's still super expensive

Decided to attend Cedarville University in Ohio this fall

Received the Cedarville Scholar Award (hooray!)

Won the Arkansas State Tournament

So yeah...now I'm getting ready for the Houston Open.  Yikes.

The Laundry: Where the Wild Things Are

I had an adventurous night, or rather, early morning.  It was dark, at any rate.  I am rudely awakened at 6 a.m. or so (a horrible hour to wake up on a Saturday morning) by loud scraping sounds, like claws on metal.  My first thought was that my cat was probably doing something stupid and annoying, but alas, I was too tired to care.  Unfortunately, The Noise continued.  Eventually my sleep-deprived brain came to some interesting conclusions. 

Number 1.  My cat doesn't have claws.  Therefore, it would be quite difficult to make The Noise without such important appendages.

Number 2.  My cat was sound asleep on my bed. 

At this point, I began to get a little nervous.  What Animal could have invaded the house?

Slowly and stealthily, I got up and went into the adjoining laundromat, from which emanated The Noise.  Now I started imagining my life flashing before my eyes as a horror flick.  I would open the lid of the washing machine and some creature would leap onto my face and begin...doing something horrible.  I could see the headlines: GIRL IS BRUTALLY ATTACKED BY ENORMOUS RAT IN WASHING MACHINE.  With shaking hands, I opened the lid. 

Nothing.

Exact same fears, trepidations, etc. with dryer.

Still nothing. 

Well...this was beginning to be very anticlimactic.  At this point, the cat starting getting excited and sniffing around the dryer.  Apparently, this creature is somewhere in the dryer, like in the pipes or something.  Discouraged, I returned to my bed.  It's still there.  Somewhere.

And I am not about to get it out.